Llewelyn

Blog

2011-09-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

^{While in the computer lab of the UST Graduate school I ended up typing this article.}

^Ithas been months now that I have not done any blogging for my site. Oh well.. who would read this article anyway?.. So many things to write I don’t even know

where to start.. For the past months or almost a year I say..A lot of things had happened. From being broke to the point of not having a dime or just a centavo to buy food and have to ask for help from our neighbor just so I could contact my aunt and ask for help. Of being emotionally unstable for sometime.. to the point I would just let myself stay at house for days and days. Not even wanting to experience what the world has to offer for me.. Magic! I am now in Manila.. and for the many months I’ve been suffering from financial and emotional problems till now it won’t stop me.. It is there..always and I think will always be. I don’t know when will it stop but my system have just adjusted in dealing with it and is still adjusting. I had few articles in my blog talking about my dream of becoming a doctor and walley!! Its been two years since I graduated from college..and im not even a half step closer in achieving that dream..I let myself enrolled in Masters program just to end up having severe financial problems. I could not even find ways on how to survive anymore..With school expenses and personal expenses and don’t forget the supposedly “sahod” that we are receiving. Life is hard. I need to do a lot of budgeting. I can’t even afford to buy myself a good lunch cause I have to save extra money for my “pamasahe”. And with all the projects and photocopies and printings in school it isjust so hard. I don’t even have access to the internet which is considered a basic necessity in the Graduate School. I just don’t know how to survive Graduate school with such means? If this is my life in the Graduate school. What would it be in the Medschool? ..

People just keep telling me. GO for your dream. Go to medschool. But they don’t seem to understand the hardness of life.. Of not having enough to provide for my daily means much more for that dream. You cant prevent pitying yourself.. Most especially if your batchmates would invite you for a dinner or for a simple reunion. I would hesitantly reply them, “im sorry. Im busy on that day” even though I had nothing to do but stay and lie on my bed the whole day .. What would I suppose to tell them? The cycle would just repeat. Same words like “naku! Saying naman yan talino mo lyn” , “kelan ka ba magmmedschool? Tumatanda ka na” , “oi..kmsta ka na? ano n nangyari sayo? “….. hearing their questions would make me stop and think.. Do I have to tell them all the things that happened to me for them to realize and understand? .. Yes, It is painful of not being there yet..of not being able to do something for that dream..but life would be harder if I did.. There are greater problems which I have to face first than my dream. Problems like what food to eat that would fit my budget. Work to pay for house bill. Work to provide all the necessities.

For the many months of having this kind of life. I have made myself believe that I’m walking on a journey alone. I have not felt any loved from anybody. Not the kind of love that I would like them to show me. All of the people who helped me, they help because of Pity. Sometimes, anger will just burst from me.. but what can I do? Even myself I know if I see somebody in the same situation as mine. I would also pity him/her.

This is really hard.. and frankly I say to you My. Dear Blog that there has been not a day which I will not cry. While typing right now, I feel sadness, loneliness, anger, vengeance , and all the emotions alike. I wished that I would stop thinking of doing crazy things like suicide and the likes.. Spare me this time and only now. For till now I have not found my confidante. My solace has always been myself.

n September 14, 2011 4:31 pm

2010-07-25T03:17:00.000-07:00

A voice sobs within me; "There you are that's what's become of you you're uncharitable, you look supercilious and peevish, people dislike you and all because you won't listen to the advice given you by your own better half."
"I would like to listen, but it doesn't work; if I'm quiet and serious, everyone think it's a new comedy and then I have to get out of it by turning it into a joke, not to mention my own family, who are sure to think I'm ill, I can't keep that up, if I'm watched to that extent, I start by getting snappy then unhappy and finally I twist my heart around again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to, and what i could be, if...there weren't any people living in the world."

If I'm to be quite honest, then I must admit that it does hurt me, that I try to be terribly hard to change myself, but that I'm always fighting against a more powerful enemy.

Therefore, the Llewelyn is never present in company has not appeared one single so far, but almost always predominates when were alone. I know exactly how I'd like to be, how I am too.. inside... But, alas, I'm only like that for myself. And perhaps that's why, no, I'm sure its the reason why I say I've got a happy nature within and why other people think I've got a happy nature without. I'm guided by the pure Llewelyn within, but outside I'm nothing but a frolicsome little goat who's broken loose.

It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because, in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion and misery. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the suffering of millions and yet, if I look up in the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.

"As long as this exists", and I may live to see it, this sunshine, the cloudless skies, while this lasts, I cannot be unhappy. The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow whatever the circumstances may be. I hope I will be able to confide everything to you, as I have never been able to confide in anyone, and I hope you will be a great source of comfort and support."

Pag-alis

2010-03-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

"Ang pag-alis ng iyong liwanag na gumising sa mahabang gabi..

Ika'y langit ngunit baka masanay at di na kakayanin ang pag-alis.."

Home

2009-08-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

Bright stars fill the evening sky as I sit and wonder what i've been missing..
I feel so all alone in a crowded room. .
There's something my heart has been searching..
Cause when the shadows fall and there's no where to go and my one last hope God only knows..
In HIM i'll find what I've been searching..

Now im on my way back to a place..Where i can hear His voice and see His face.
As Im on my way I see Him running..
Before i take my second step. HE sees me coming back and HE comes running to me..
HE takes me in HIS arms ..closer to HIS heart..saying HE'll be loving me cause HE never stops loving me..

So I stop and say "FORGIVE me for walking out that door "..but before i could say anything more HE says "hush, im just glad to know that you've come home.back in my arms.. ur safe from harm. im just glad to know you're home. wer i made you to be right here with me."

In HIM ill find what ive been searching..

A letter from Kuya Jess

2009-07-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

Five minutes ago I saw this post from Belette's blog. I miss my DWTL days... That day was very memorable to me and my DWTL batchmates can attest to that.. This is the message I got from Kuya Jess's letter.. (im posting it. i dont know if i should do this.) im still posting it anyway.

Dear wing-wing,
I'm sure you're a bit surprised to receive this letter from me. WHen so many other people are writing to you tonight, never would I miss the chance to write to you.
Probably, you realized now that you are pretty important to quite a lot of people. Your parents, brother, sister, friends.. THey tell you how much they miss you. They speak of all the work they've done for you, the prayers and masses they've offered, and the worries and sufferings they have endured, all for you.
But has anyone ever offered his life for you? Has anyone given up living to save you? would you believe me if I said I'm willing to sacrifice myself, willing to die for you? Or, to make it clear, will youever forget that I've died on the cross for you?
All right wing-wing, you know now who I am, I'm the one you've been hearing about, the same guy who died so that you could live. How i enjoy being with you in the "DISCO". SInce you came to UST I've been waiting for theses "DAYS", and have been preparing for what is happening now between you and me. THanks for having accepted my invitation to be here. I feel so happy being face to face with you! I'll treasure the feeling these days for me.
You are a little touched by these letters you have received from so many people. Maybe the reasons is that it is the first time you ever heard about their love. That's OK with me. I am used to being taken for granted. YEt, not because my love is so old that it is less ardent. And not because it is so well known to you that it is less real. The cold fact stands out that while many people are offering to live for you, I am the only one who died for yOU!
Wing-wing, stay with me! I love you, i really do! i've been waiting for you for so long. It would hurt me to see you go through life aimlessly, falling for money, pleasure, for human glory. Will all these make you happy?
Wing-wing, I'm inviting you to go steady with me, all the way with me! what is your answer?

Ever your loyal friend,
JESS

All The Heavens

2009-07-20T04:55:00.000-07:00

All the heavens shout your praise

Beautiful is our God

The universe will sing

Hallelujah to you our King!

Synesthesia

2009-05-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Synesthesia - Mayonnaise

Save your smile..
Everything fades through time..
Im lost for you..
endlessly waiting for you..
stay with me, this cannot be..
As morning comes, I say Goodbye to you when im done.. to the Sun..
Because ive been waiting for you, waiting for this..
Dream to come true, just to be with you...
And if die, remember this line..
"Im always here, guarding you life.."

I am yours..Im completely trapped in your soul
dazed and confused...
swept away with your own words..
You're my star...
Invincible,haunting and far...Grace under fire...
Someone is building my hurt, in my heart...

Slowly falling into you..im obsessed with the fact that im with you
I can't breathe without you...

DAGHANG SALAMAT!

2009-03-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

I copied this entry from jer's site. It talks about our VISAYAS escapade

Daghang Salamat!

March 21st, 2009 by jeremy0325

For VASO group, early defense = early vacation

And with a Luzon excursion setback late last year, VASO had to make sure that this next trip was not to be mere “talkshit”.

So immediately after Science week, the VASO girls booked a 6-day sojourn to the Queen City of the South, from March 12-17, 2009. With the tickets all paid for, “VASO goes to Cebu” is inevitable. The weeks leading to the scheduled trip had us all enthusiastically outlining our travel agendas but ironically we didn’t have a lineup of places to go when we were already there.

Finals week passed by. We essentially had to comply with our requirements and other obligations before we could go anywhere. Personally, I even had to compete in Pautakan and the EKG Pre-med quiz contest, and attend the mandatory graduation briefing before I could think of leaving Manila.

Late night March 11, coming home from the EKG Pre-med quiz contest in UP Manila, I started to pack my things, bearing in mind the 7kg limit in hand carry stuff. Meanwhile, many kilometers away, the two dorm girls were already acquainting themselves with the airport where they will stay for the next 8 or so hours.

Flight was on target on its ETD and ETA. In Mactan airport, we (VASO + tita Luisa) had to rent an FX since cab drivers in Cebu strictly adhered to government regulation that only four passengers can ride in a taxi. We fleetingly made our way through Lapulapu and Mandaue City to come upon a pension house near the Redemptorist Church in Cebu City. Oddly enough, we never took a picture in NAIA, inside the plane, in Mactan airport, and even while on the road. Instead, we got to use the camera for the first time before our first meal in IT Park. We luckily had kuya JV to drive us around town before he goes to work. At noon, we sneaked in a quick snooze before we went out to explore the city.

Day 1 and 2: Around the metro. We walked around Sto. Nino Church, Magellan’s Cross, Cebu City Hall, and their version of Quiapo… took a stroll down Fuente Circle and Mango Avenue… spent a cool night at the highest point in the province at Tops Skyline… checked out their version of TriNoMa at Ayala Center Cebu… traveled long during a scorching day just to take a pic of a chunk of stone that says Magellan died there at Mactan Shrine… traversed back to north of downtown Cebu to have a taste of Chinese culture at the Taoist Temple… got high with the world’s first Edge Coaster and the country’s first Skywalk Extreme at Crown Regency Hotel… and chilled at Grill Avenue with kuya JV’s peeps (one of which is Apz level 2.=p)… all while eating mostly sugba (and agar-agar for Lyn.=p).

Day 3: Off to Bohol. Went to the port. Something bad almost happened. Moving on, we were greeted by kuya Alfred and our brand new van (we rented it to get around Bohol) at Tagbilaran Port. We immediately went to Panglao to look for the place that was suggested by Lyn’s “angkol” but it was too expensive.. at least for us. So we settled in Dumaluan Resort and not long after, we realized that trying to immerse ourselves in ankle-length water while basking in a cold breeze and rain was not a usual experience.=p Good thing the beach had a good view and very fine white sand. Nevertheless, we had the time of our lives figuring out how to capture a perfect jumpshot photo. But we failed. So off to the pool. But soon enough, a Korean invasion was imminent. Come dinnertime, we luckily found a relatively cheaper place to eat a few meters away from the shore. Late night basketball gave us a good sweat when we had nothing to do.

Day 4: Bohol adventures. We passed by the Sandugo Shrine on our way to our early morning “buffet” near Loboc river. We stopped by Chocolate Hills, Man-made Forest, and Sevilla Hanging Bridge by noon. We passed on the Loboc River Cruise and Floating Restaurant because we were still full on food and empty on money. We also called off our river rafting because of a strong downpour. Nonetheless, we were elated when we finally saw tarsiers. They’re really cute and it’s disheartening that they’re endangered. We were able to stop by Baclayon Church and a pasalubong shop before heading back to Tagbilaran Port. Back in Cebu, we tried out supersized Japanese food for dinner in my uncle’s resto. All for free of course. Finally, we made a stop at The Walk in IT Park before we called it a day.

Day 5: Chill. With no more to spend, hanging out at SM Cebu was the only thing we could do for the day. Saw the auditions for Survivor II and checked out the VAIO Pocket Style PC. At night, we tried out their local cafe. Amazingly, their cafe had the same ambience and almost the same coffee exerience at half the price. My Grande Ice Chocolate sells for P70.

Day 6: More chilling. Really nothing more to do but get ready for our departure in the afternoon. We dropped by Shamrock to buy some pasalubong. We were in the airport about 3-4 hours before our ETD. Flight was delayed maybe because of the weather but it gave us the opportunity to read about the story of “Clarisse”. We landed in Manila at around 8pm and strangely, I thought I saw someone that I hadn’t seen in a long while.

T o p O b s e r v a t i o n s a b o u t C e b u :

1. Clean air

2. No buses and tricycles; overflowing with cabs

3. Even waiters and security guards can speak good, sometimes slang, English

4. Restaurants are closed in the morning.

5. Cebuanos are very religious having many devotees and many churches

6. Seafoods are expensive for a province surrounded with water

7. No tagalog music (obviously.=p)

8. They use different sauces than in Manila

T o p O b s e r v a t i on s a b o u t B o h o l :

1. Very unstable weather (at least when we were there)

2. Nice beaches

3. Many Rizal statues (Rizalistas?)

4. It can be toured in a day

T O P F I F T E E N M O M E N T S :

15. Our “budget” meal at Kul Kitchen

14. Night basketball plays

13. Kuya Alfred welcomes VASO

12. Suko at Yu Yu Tei

11. Shock at Magellan’s Cross

10. Lyn’s masterpiece: suka, toyo, sili

9. “Insomnia” fever

8. Tarsiers!

7. Lyn calling out every saint at Edge Coaster

6. Reading Clarisse’s lovelife in the airport

5. Lyn’s breathtaking butterfly stroke

4. Our take home “chickenjoys”

3. “Sa chicken yun di ba?”

- Lyn, talking about balut.

2. Koreans complete with salbabida and flippers gleefully running down the ankle-length water in the beach.

1. “Madilim noh? Tanggalin niyo yung flash.”

- Epal guy, commenting on our dark photo.

“Are you from Mexico?”

- Epal guy, to a girl with a cowgirl costume.

this is for my people who just lost somebody. put ur head way up high cause we will never say BYE

2008-10-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

Been here in Zam for some time now.. till now i still couldn't believe that my mom is really gone.. forever gone and i wont be able to talk to her, to see her, to chat with her and do other things we normally do.. This October 28 we'll be celebrating her 48th birthday. It pains me a lot cause she wont be here with us physically to celebrate her birthday.ANd this will be the first of my life to visit someone who is so close to my heart at the memorial garden on ALL Souls Day..
.. I don't want for Christmas to come.. First Christmas without my mom.. first new year without my mom.. there will be no more grand celebrations .. there's no sense of celebrating any occasion since she's not here with us anymore..

.. Last night I was checking my mom's email then I saw the last letter that she gave to me. IT was during my DWTL batch 66 last February. It made me cry so much.. I remember the time when I was reading that letter. I've cried so much even when I was already in the dormitory . I was really crying thanking the Lord for giving me a mother who is so good and almost perfect.

"Dear Wing,

I thank God for giving us a daughter . When we sent you to Manila to study it was very difficult for us especially me

to be far from you considering that you are very young. I was very sad but i was thinking of your good future. It is always my

prayer that God will guide you in everything you do to protect you every second every minute and every hour of the day , to help you in your studies. I have very high ambition for you and i will do everything to provide all your needs and to help you meet your desire and ambition. I do not seek any return .I trust god to keep you for I know you are a good girl and that you know the fear and the love of God . I am working so hard for you and your sister and brother but i firmly believe that these are not in vain
i believe God will bless his children according to his richness . Be good always wing, go straight, focus to your ambition, trust in the lord, but don't ever let anyone hurt nor harm you. I, your mother sent to you my blessing thru this letter. may you always have good health , happiness and joy.

mommy

.. How i wish she was still here.. i really miss her so much. so much that i would really do anything for her to be here again but reality will always be reality.. NO matter how hard or how difficult it is.. we just have to accept it..

ano ba ang ginawa ko ngayong bakasyon?

2008-06-06T23:26:00.000-07:00

1. Phuket Trip
Food trip- loving nature-island hopping-Phuket fantasea-elephant trekking-white water rafting-simon cabaret

2. Bangkok Trip
food trip-matulog-shop-shop-shop (I spent 1,000US dollars sa shopping huhu!)

3. Submission For Org. Recognition Forms

4. Had my On-the-Job Training

5. Organized the MICROSOC LEadership Training and Planning Seminar-Malolos CLub Royale Resort

6. Attended the Annual Convention of Mycological Society of the Philippines in Benguet State University

7. Attended the37th Annual COnvention and Scientific MEeting of the Philippine Society for Microbiology Inc., in Boracay

8. Attended the ACB Seminar in Luisa Ridge Resort and Spa in Laguna

9. Attended the 33rd SOCC LEadership Seminar in Caleruaga Batangas

10. COmpleted my on-the -job training

11. "tambay" in Trinoma

12. "tambay" in school

13. Reunion with 3 of my ASSP BAtch mates (jessie,adolfo and Lucky)

14. Vacation in zam for 2 days to attend my brother's birthday

15. currently in zam.. enjoying my 10 days vacation

a new entry..

2008-04-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

may 4th blogspot account! (funny)..

I never really maintained those blogspot accounts I had before for several reasons:
1. wala namang nakakaalam ng url kaya wala rn mkkpagcomment sa blog ko..
2. ang hirap magisip ng ilalagay sa blog..
3. sobrang naging attached ako sa friendster,multiply at yahoo kaya nakalimutan ko na may account pala ako sa blogspot,livejournal,ringo,eskwela,facebook,myspace atbp!..

..